Earth Destroyed By Large Hadron Collider; Martian Questioned Wired

In a stunning piece of astronomical news, the planet Sol III — better known as “Earth” — has been completely obliterated. In connection with this sudden catastrophe, authorities have questioned a resident of neighboring planet Sol IV (Mars), who is known to have made threats against Earth in the past. This questioning is thought by many to be a formality, as most sources indicate that the destruction was caused by a foolhardy group of scientists in central Europe.